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[11 May 2008|07:02pm]
sooo i have not updated in a really long time...wow

so if none of you have heard i got a divorce about three months ago. he decided he didnt want to be married anymore and was moving out of state,

it was hard but its better now it had gotten pretty bad and while i didnt want to give up like that he did and i had to respect that.

i am moving to modesto in the fall to study animal science and judge im going back to my old passion which i am soooo excited about.
1 Letter| Why Didn't you Write Me?

:o) [25 Jul 2007|11:10am]
I got married!!!!!!

June 23, 2007

it was amazing i am sooooo happy!!

I have pics on myspace

i cant believe i am this happy

Why Didn't you Write Me?

AGH! [29 Oct 2006|08:59pm]
okay so the wedding is June 23 next year

im so excited but it seems like far away but trust me...its coming so fast. weve already been engaged for almost 5 months!!! crazy! so yeah there is a ridiculous amount of things to do. i hafta go talk to the travel agent in slo about the honeymoon to hawaii and i have like a huge list of questions to call the location about. i hafta finalize the cake decisions. on the 18th all the bridesmaids are coming over for a fitting and then one of my bridesmaids was talking way too much crap about me and starting control shit so i had to kick her out and find a replacement. i hafta register for gifts, sign up for dance lessons, and order wedding rings. and im trying to find a new job so we can move out.

OMG im going crazy!!!!

jeremy and i are doing great im pretty much coutning down the days till my wedding

i got my dress its gorgeous we went to davids bridal in fresno and spent the whole day shopping. my aunt, my mom, and christina, my aunt paid for everything. my dress. shoes. earrings. viel. tiara. and everything else :o)
1 Letter| Why Didn't you Write Me?

..? [12 Aug 2006|12:46pm]
have you ever felt like your someone stopping looking at you that way?

i dunno im sure im wrong but sometimes i feel like he doesnt look at me in that way anymore i hope he does

any advice?
1 Letter| Why Didn't you Write Me?

[15 Jun 2006|08:00pm]
im engaged!!

i love him so much

go ahead

say im too young

say it will end in divorce

say i cant handle it

say anything you want

i dont care i love him and im happy
1 Letter| Why Didn't you Write Me?

everythings over! [07 May 2006|09:27am]
so yeah theres been a lot of good things in my life lately but ive been under a lot of stress. we had livestock state finals yesterday and we were favored to win...until my team...everyone but me fucked up royally and ruined my entire dream ive had for the past 4 years. this whole year we've been high in state and then they blew it for being so fucking retarded...and none of them cared at all!!! and that might have been my last contest i dont know i got a full ride scholarship to texas tech but i cant go there its too hard and too much money for me to leave. so i settled on modesto jr college where i was going to judge. well ive met someone who im totally in love with and i dont know if i shouold move or not. i love judging i love it but its so hard to leave here. i dont now what im going to do at all. im in such an annoying situation. things woulda been easier if my team wasnt full of fuckers!! lol anyways other then that its been good im super happy with my life. things couldnt be better other then this whole college situation. my parents finally trust me again after havingthat huge party while they were outa town lol considering i paid for all the damage i guess it wasnt too bad. yeah so after evan broke up with me and almost ruined my life i started dating jon velasco which was a dumb decision he treated me like shit and the only reasoni stayed with him for 3 months was because i missed evan way too much and i feltl ike i needed a bf even tho he treated me like a shoe. i dont know what that means but hey he did. that whole time was pretty bad. but ive met someone new and his name is jeremy hes great he treats me great everything is going good!! im hella happy! ill write more later <3
Why Didn't you Write Me?

YOU AND ME WE'RE QUITE A PAIR!! [09 Jan 2006|05:43pm]
okay so im so confused
first of all evan broke up with me because he doesnt love me anymore...whatever im over it lol so im torn between three guys to an extent i know one of them is absolutly crazy about me but i always seem to break his heart...no matter what. and then theres this guy who it would be perfect hes made me smile more then any guy ive ever known and we've had a past not a relationship but a past im crazy about him and i know he likes me but hes hesitant about relationships and then theres just the hot guy that we are bothi inteested in each other i wish ik new what to do ugh i hate being a girl lol
2 Letters| Why Didn't you Write Me?

boys.... [19 Nov 2005|02:54pm]
i love my boyfriend...hes the greatest guy ever...he listens to me...he cares...he makes me laugh...he realizes that most of my friends are guys...and he doesnt care about that AT ALL. i love him so much but this odd thing happened on thanksgiving justin called me and was like come over to my moms house...we're all drinking lol even tho i was going to drink i went over i miss him i miss seeing him i dont see him as much and i miss him hes my buddy. so i went and cody passed out and and everyone else went home so it was just justin and i and hes all god...and i was all what and he was all i wish you didnt havea bf and i was all well you had your chance i take that back you had your chanceS!!! and he smiled and he was all its just we're so close i was scared...and i was all it doesnt matter if you cared you would have done somthing about it and you didnt so i forgot about it and just let it go...and he was all i want to make a move so bad and i was all well those chances are over and maybe one day we will be together but for right now im happy...happier then ive ever been he treats me right he loves me more then anything and he was all ide treat you right...ide buy you anything you wanted and that kind made me mad and i was all i dont need gifts justin...and he kinda just looked at me then cody came in and got really sick then he went back to sleep and justin was all well youd better get going before i do something ide regret and i just left but eve talked since then its just weird
Why Didn't you Write Me?

take you down... [11 Oct 2005|02:12pm]

LIFE IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE EVAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MY LIFE IS 39488908309483745897398578943757347 TIMES BETTER THEN EVER BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why Didn't you Write Me?

swore to me i wasnt gonna love again... [04 Oct 2005|09:11pm]
okay so this is going to be a happy post YAY HAPPY!
im finally getting over jeff and kyles death...i miss them still...but i will always miss them. as long as i never get to see their wonderful smiles again or get another gut hug, a piece of my heart will forever be lost. they will always be in my heart...which is where they should be. i love them so much and always will. their spirits will always motivate me to do my best and get through the tough times. they are forever written in my heart and mind...and i am so blessed to have gotten to have them grace me with their friendship for as long as they did.
i also found someone who i NEVER EVER expected to find...i never once thought in my wildest dreams i would find someone like him. more like he found me...but you know. i never expected to find something so wonderful where i did...it may seem weird...it seems really weird to me but i met him on myspace he added me and he competes for SLO FFA in contests that i do and we ended up meeting in person and talking and we went out and he made me laugh and i felt so happy when i was with him and then this weekend we went out again and he came to my house today and its just been like the best!!!! he makes me so happy! and we're taking things really slow which is good...we're not rushing into anything. which is good so im hoping this is gonna be something good :o) his name is evan btw lol.
my life is so great now i love it :o)
2 Letters| Why Didn't you Write Me?

everything happens for a reason...gotta have faith [02 Oct 2005|01:00pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i keep acting like im happy...acting like everythings okay and that im not sad anymore about jeff and kyle...i miss them so much every sunday i cant help but think of that horrible call i got....it was exactly 2 weeks today...i miss them so much
it feels like an eternity i miss them. i havent forgotten them not in the least bit. i miss them so much. i felt like i was getting over it then yesterday i was getting ready for an FFA competition and kenny chesneys new song came on and i just broke down...i havent stopped listening to it since. i love them so much i miss them so much i would do anything for just one more day one more minute to thank them for all they taught me and did for me
for you jeff and kyle i miss you so much
"Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney (Bill Luther/Aimee Mayo)

1st Verse

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughin' in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone


It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I been through
Just knowin' no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder
Who you'd be today

2nd Verse

Would you see the world, would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Somedays the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

(Repeat Chorus)


Today, today, today
Today, today, today

3rd Verse

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that give me hope
Is I know
I'll see you again some day
Someday, someday

Why Didn't you Write Me?

i would never do you wrong [21 Sep 2005|09:02pm]
known it from the moment that we met
no doubt in my mind were you belong

hmm im not going to let myself care...
let him date whoever he wants
he doesnt want you...never really has...get over it move on and let it go
you let him go
dont let this bother you
shes just a girl
ket him do what he wants

wow this is hard it would be easier if i had a guy lol not gonna happen!!!
2 Letters| Why Didn't you Write Me?

there youll be... [21 Sep 2005|10:25am]
these past 4 days have been the hardest 4 days of my life
i wake up everyday hoping and praying just that its not real...that they'll come back and that ill have my boys back
i just want them back so bad
i miss them so much
i dont know what im going to do without them...these past few days have been the hardest

i went to the memorial service on monday and i didnt stop crying from 6:00 until i fell asleep at 12.
i miss them so much
yesterday i stayed home and just cryed and then justin made me go to the movies with him to cheer me up but i really really just want my boys back

2 Letters| Why Didn't you Write Me?

[18 Sep 2005|09:04pm]
Why Didn't you Write Me?

OMFG!!!!!!!! [12 Sep 2005|01:34pm]
you know what im so over this high school shit
im sick of the drama
im sick of being stabbed in the back
can you like not tell your friends things anymore? like is it that complicated for them to just not say a freaking word to anyone and just shut up? no they have to go off and tell everyone everything
i hate it
this is why my biggest secret is still with me because i refuse to tell anyone cuz i know everyone will tell eveyone and then i will look bad
so you know this is ridiculous
i have like no friend i can tell anything to really this is gay
Why Didn't you Write Me?

loosing so much time [15 Aug 2005|07:23pm]
sometimes you just gotta ask yourself...why?Collapse )
Why Didn't you Write Me?

blah blah blah [08 Aug 2005|01:31pm]
[ mood | curious ]

so this will long...im sorry i have alot to say.
i broke 2 of my toes...my steer stepped on my foot and it hurt a lot. anyways hes gone now...RIP Bucket. yeah but i got $3636 for him so im stoked...i profitted about $1200...im not complaining...
i bought a new car...a 2004 mitsubishi eclipse...i paid 15,000$ im making 175$ payments on it...i love it...its maroon red...it makes me happy.
justin and i didnt really work out but im actually really happy and okay about...i got my closure
i had met a guy named matt he was totally great and wonderful so much of everything i wanted i liked him so much...i told myself not to get attatched...but after about 3 weeks of seeing him it was hard not to and he broke my heart...it still really sucks but i still hang out with all his friends...katie and i go there all the time. oh well shit happens.
christina and i went to a party 2 nights ago in AG to hang out with like blake, nathan, and all of those guys. well i ended up making out with some guy in the bathroom lol and he wanted to do other stuff so i mtold him to go find a condom while i hid and christina told him i was sick lol. yeah good times anyways i was drunk and i told everyone we did stuff lol and he told everyone that but whatever i know we didnt and then blake got super pissed and yelled at me through text messages and called me a lut and all this stuff so i got mad and i wrote him an email ysterday and yelled at him...A LOT lol and he apologized. but trevor was keeping me warm all night and he was being really sweet so then when i went to leave he just kissed me...it was totally random but totally nice. yep well i dont know whats going to happen with that i hope something does
okay ima go now i hafta go to kohls to buy new jeans.

Why Didn't you Write Me?

wow... [20 Jul 2005|01:09pm]
yeah this wont be long cuz i hafta go tanning in a few minutes but justin confessed A LOT of things to me last night I MEAN A LOT!!! yeah very interesting stuff...the main being he has feelings for me and always has...yeah it very interesting day!!!!!!! i cant believe everything he said last night i was blown away by it all!!

IM GETTING MY NEW TRUCK THIS WEEKEND!!! im going to LA on saterday to get it :o)!!!! im paying for it tho which sucks lol the payments are 175$ a month so thats not too bad!!! IM SO EXCITED YAY!!!!! justins going to with me and my dad cuz my dad doesnt trust me to follow him home from LA in my new truck but appearently justin can...hmmm weird lol okay im out
Why Didn't you Write Me?

something worht leaving behind... [13 Jul 2005|07:20pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

yeah im bored
my steer isnt eating his food it makes me sad
my steer was plaing with the piggies today...he loves them...
summer school is gay
i sit by weird people
i dont like them
michael is cool....hes exactly like matt fulbright and its scary lol i told him that and hes all so many people tell me that all the time i was like well you do
craig's gf is physchotic...she needs help lol
shes going to break up with him hehe its funny
i have to take my senior pictures soon which means i have to lose weight ima call the guy tomorrow. YAY! but it will be after fair so i can lose a few lbs lol
yep yep
i have to finish my buyer letters this is gay
okay im done

Why Didn't you Write Me?

if hes heo ne for me... [11 Jul 2005|09:26pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

thinking over...

yeah today was interesting lol yeah

blah blah blah

im bored
i dont want to wake up early its gong to be gay...
i dont feel good
i ate a gross salad and now i feel like throwing up lol it was nasty
it had cold chicken i hate cold chicken its disguisting...
yeah ima go watch tv now and lay in bed cuz i feel gross lol

Why Didn't you Write Me?

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